tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
