Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
