She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
