I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
