Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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