Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
