Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
