Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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