Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
