Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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