Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
