I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
