Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize