I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
