Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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