I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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