I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
