quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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