Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
