sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
