Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
