there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
