I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize