You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
