you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
