im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
