I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
