I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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