I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
