You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
