Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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