She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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