I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
