Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
