are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish my penis had a tongue
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
