shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
