He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
