dude i'm inner monologue high
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
