I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
