I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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