It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
did you just send me my own nude
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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