I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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