u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
