I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
