so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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