Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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