What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
