So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
