i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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