Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
