I smell stomach acid.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
