mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
