just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
