Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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