its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We talked him into tasing himself.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
