Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
