you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
