Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize