I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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