If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize