I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
