I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
