That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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