nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
