too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
