thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
