i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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