You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
