nut hugger
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
