How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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