Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i now understand why vodka
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize