drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
