There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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